A few days ago, I wrote about spanking and sex. There I address more of the “no” side to the question of spanking being sexual. I got a lot of great comments and I wanted to respond to them in a new post instead of buried beneath comments and new posts. So, here goes the “yes” side of that answer.
I think at the core of it, it is arousing. Even if a spanking really hurts and doesn’t overtly get me excited, there’s a part of it that is sexual, or else I don’t think it would be a part of our relationship. Two thoughts emerged from your comments that I want to take a closer look at.
1. Do you ever spank after sex?
2. Why do we do things to try and avoid a spanking?
The first question leads to the “yes” side of spanking as sexual, the second, “no.” To the first question, I would answer with no, and I would imagine that most people would too. After sex, a spanking seems redundant. Given that most people would use sex to climax, it seems a logical order that spanking would go first if sex was to be included.
On the other hand, spanking can be a tool adults use for behavior modification or just general discipline. In that case, the excitement that would come from a normal spanking would be far from the picture. I think Brett articulates the difference, and the role that sexuality plays well in his comment:
Spanking is sexual for me, but discipline is still discipline. The interest in non-sexual spanking is sexual, if that makes sense. When it’s about punishment, the focus is on why it’s happening, and that isn’t sexy or frivilous. When it’s happening, it’s not fun to punish someone who isn’t having fun. When it’s over, then the feelings of extreme closeness when she’s at her most vulnerable, and that’s a more general feeling of love rather than to have sex. It could actually end there if it’s not part of a sexual relationship, though I have no experience with that. The thought of it is still sexy, and as part of a sexual relationship, she’s even more attractive to me having had a spanking. Women who want discipline like that in their lives are more attractive to me, so it is definitely sexual.
Then there are those times that a disciplinary spanking excites me. I’ll do something by accident or just be in a bad mood, and it will get me spanked, and later, I’ll think “wow, that was hot.” And that’s enough for me. I don’t need the sex to follow or for something sexual to happen before, during or after the spanking for it to be a “hot” moment. Perhaps it’s the situation and the way in which I’m quickly swept up and taken in hand, that is a turn on. But I think that is another post entirely!
August 7th, 2008 - 12:46 pm
Very strange that I posted a similar thought today and I think I’ve seen more than one about the same subject either today or yesterday. It must be on everyone’s mind.
August 8th, 2008 - 11:02 pm
That’s how I think of a disciplinary spanking - as a ‘hot moment’. It’s the idea of the moment rather than the moment as it’s happening. While it’s happening it’s not sexual or fun, or then it’s not discipline. I like erotic spanking, but that’s something very different, much less dramatic and meaningful, at least to me. When it’s real discipline, then the control involved is real. The punishment aspect is real. The one getting spanked isn’t asked if they want a spanking; they get one because someone else has decided it needs to happen. It’s still consensual because the discipline relationship is consensual, but that particular spanking is as close to real dominance/power/authority or whatever we might want to call it as we can safely get. The one getting spanked is having to submit, and they’re being punished for something that is no mere abstraction. The emotions elicited are strong and very real.
It’s true that after a discipline spanking, then at some point we think, “wow, that was hot.” I agree - that can be enough. We don’t need sex to follow any more than it must follow when we read about something hot on the Internet. In my marriage, anyway, a discipline spanking will be a turn-on to think about the next time we have sex, not to mention the closer feelings it helped engender. Because of the nature of my relationship, real discipline is something that happens rarely, but just knowing that it’s a part of the relationship at all is a sexy idea, so it plays a role in our sex lives even when it hasn’t actually happened in a long time.
August 12th, 2008 - 8:12 am
Wonderful topic. Enjoyed reading it… and the comments. Is a DD spanking sexual? Sort of turn into Bill Clinton when we answer this one… it depends on what the meaning of is, is. lol
Todd
August 13th, 2008 - 4:27 pm
When I asked about spanking after sex it was purely a disciplinary spanking I was referring to. I am told, but have not experienced it(!) that if your have come to orgasm prior to being spanked the spanking rakes a completely different nature and is far far harder to bear! Some disciplinarians have for that reason, I gather, when intent on causing maximum distress to the sub for a discipline punishment, made their sub masturbate to orgasm before the beating so robbing the punishment of any erotic sense whatsoever: which I believe to be cruel…
August 13th, 2008 - 4:57 pm
With me there’s never a question of thinking about sex either before, during or after a spanking…because the very act of spanking itself has always been a highly sensual/sexual act. Under the right intoxicating circumstances it’s not unusual for me or my girl (or both) to climax during a particularly hot spanking. That’s why I can’t see how those older guys who spank you sweet younger girls can make it thru the videos without, um…well without having a little bit of a problem. I know for certain that I’d have a helluva time trying to keep myself under control, with a girl like Chloe or Pixie or Beverly squirming and wiggling and ouching across my lap. Well, however they do it they do it well…and I can’t help feeling a little envious of them
Keep up the good work (no pun intended).